OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

My brother sent this postcard from Poland in September. Its arrival today felt like mail delivery must have felt a century ago when letters were still transported by ship and carriage. But I am not sure that even back then it would have taken five months to deliver a letter from Europe to South Africa. It doesn’t matter. My perception of time has been altered dramatically throughout the lockdown, and the clocks in my house still refuse to tell proper time anyway, so my infinite patience has become even more flexible, and the only thing I feel about the postcard arriving so late is gratitude. A small miracle in my postbox. So much nicer than the accompanying municipal bills.

This morning I finished reading The Light Between Oceans by M. L. Stedman. Beautiful writing, fascinating characters and most of the way a page-turning plot, but the ending disappointed me, although it is a ‘happy’ one.

‘You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the bad things.’ This is one of the quotes from the book that stuck with me. Perhaps in a way that was not intended, because there are cases where I think resentment is necessary, all day, every day, and remembering the bad things allows you to keep sane and not to make the same mistakes again. There are things that should not and cannot be forgotten, forgiven. And when bad things happen, the anger, the resentment, can be a powerful force of moving beyond the trauma. After all, the novel also notes: ‘Scars are just another kind of memory.’ Not everyone deserves forgiveness. Sometimes on an intimate, sometimes on a global scale.

One more quote from the book: ‘That’s how life goes on – protected by the silence that anaesthetises shame.’

Is anyone selling Zuma’s Tea already? Or should I abandon publishing for tea business?

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

I try to post a book image on the Karavan Press IG account every few days. It has become a lovely way of interacting with our readers. This morning, when I couldn’t sleep again, I posted a photo I took yesterday while enjoying some beautiful cheese and, as always when eating cheese, thinking of Dawn Garisch’s Breaking Milk. I loved the responses to the post on IG from readers who had read the novel. When I first read one of its early drafts many, many years ago, I fell in love with this book, the richness of its insights, its beauty, and the portrayal of farm life and organic cheese-making. It is impossible not to crave cheese when you read the book. We published Breaking Milk in 2019 and I still marvel at the fact that I was able to midwife it into being through publication. It is such an honour to share it with readers and to see how much they love it, too.

I woke up today sometime after three a.m. and could not get back to sleep. Eventually, I read and watched tennis and made coffee and listened to birdsong.

I received the strangest two requests in the early hours of this sleepless morning: one from an author in India wanting me to publish his book; the other from an author in Canada wanting me to comment on his book about a topic I know absolutely nothing about. Why? What’s the point of sending these bizarre requests to complete strangers and asking them to deal with them, to waste their time? There is a certain kind of audacity in such requests – and definitely no time spent on research and proper engagement with the person addressed – that is difficult for me to comprehend. I cannot imagine approaching a publisher to publish my manuscript without reading at least a few of their titles. I cannot also imagine asking a writer to comment on my book without knowing what their fields of expertise/interest are and actually offering a copy of the book to them for reading (the book I was asked to comment on costs ‘only’ £120 – I can get ten local books I actually want to read in SA for this price).

Are these kind of approaches a gender thing? Why do I feel that it is predominantly men who have the chutzpah to waste other people’s time like this?

Luckily, in the afternoon, I did have the loveliest of times in the company of a writer I know and treasure. She had been worried about me and came to sit with me on my stoep to chat. She brought delicious cookies baked by one of her daughters. Perfect for afternoon coffee and tea.

The rest of the day was editing and admin.

In the evening, I attended the virtual launch of Brent Meersman’s Rattling the Cage: Reflections on Democratic South Africa. Apart from the technical problems that interrupted the conversation, great stuff. A book to look out for.

Rafa lost in five. My tennis heart is broken, but Tsitsipas’s comeback from two sets down was a feat and he has to be congratulated on the incredible effort. Can he do it two more times? Not sure. So, it looks like I will be praying for the Russians to do the job (of defeating you know who…).

The vaccine rollout has begun in SA. J&J all the way!

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

Ouch, the Jacques Pauw story hurts! I believed him. Parts of the story seemed weird, but it was Jacques Pauw telling it, and Daily Maverick publishing it, so it had to have merit, right?

Wrong. And Pauw’s half-baked apology is also bullish and problematic, and the Daily Maverick trying to contain the damage instead of simply admitting a gross mistake in judgement and editorial integrity is disappointing to say the least.

I am sorry that I ever thought that the culprits in the story were the restaurant and the police. The article was sheer abuse of power, and the damage done to the reputation of the writer and the news outlet will be severe. At a time when readers are starved for factual reporting, reporting with insight and integrity, this is a blow that will be difficult to recover from. And I wish it did not pain me so intensely on a personal level, but I do feel betrayed by people and institutions I trusted – maybe not completely, but definitely more than others. I am so tired of having to fact-check and question everything I read in the news. Everyone makes mistakes, of course, it’s par for the course, but it’s the way one handles them afterwards that is the key. And this story was not handled properly from the start. The latest installment to transpire is the saddest part of all.

There was much more to this day, but this betrayal sadly overshadowed all else.

Stories told with integrity should not be as rare as they are.

Let me share one piece of amazing news from the ICU: our friend is out of the most acute danger zone and on her way to recovery from Covid-19. It will be a long process, but she is relearning to talk, eat, walk, and she is enjoying a book again. A true miracle. This I am eternally grateful for.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

I work – even when I am incapable of working – with the most generous people. In the last few days, I have had some truly uplifting email exchanges with writers. In the midst of despair, literary flickers of meaning.

Monday: I got through the day. In the afternoon, I cooked a delicious lamb stew for dinner and my love opened a beautiful bottle of red for us after work. We are both knackered, so it was a short but sweet evening. At one time, all three Cats joined us – a real family affair.

From the first of March, Austria is introducing free Covid-19 tests which you can get at the pharmacy for free and test yourself with at home. This makes me happy for my family. It will make life so much safer for all.

Zondo Depression lifted for a little today. At this stage, I will take any jail sentence for Zuma. If we are all equal before the law, let us witness it at least this one momentous time. I can just imagine the celebrations!

John Oliver is back after a looooong hiatus. Yay!

And Rafa is in the QF of the Australian Open :)

Now, if only my cheeks weren’t so sore and I could sleep through the nights and not be so close to tears most of the time … This too shall pass.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

Many years ago, I said yes to my first marriage proposal on Valentine’s Day. It did not work out. We parted. When I eventually did get married, it was without an official proposal; at least I don’t remember one. We were divorced only a few months later. The third time, I proposed and was accepted and we got married and all was well until death did do us part. My marrying days are over, I think.

But ever since that first proposal I don’t remember really celebrating Valentine’s Day ever again. It’s not because of any memories or associations, the day just never really captured my imagination, marriage proposal and all. And so, my love and I have never celebrated Valentine’s Day in the four years we have been together either. We did have a nice, simple dinner, though. And earlier in the day I had Skype lunch with my Mom and Krystian. The rest of the day was sheer laziness, watching tennis and finishing the last of the available Harry Bosch novels. I needed this.

‘Self-love is revolutionary. We cannot fight for others when we’re fighting a war inside ourselves. Compassion is a power that we first bestow on ourselves & then give away through our actions—to people, to our planet. When we recognize this, that is when love becomes our legacy.’ (Amanda Gorman)

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

We visited two friends in their garden yesterday. Apart from an emergency run to the vet, they haven’t left their property since March. Because of a serious medical condition, they cannot afford to get infected with the coronavirus, so they stay inside their home and garden and get everything delivered to them. Occasionally, they invite two people to join them for a meal or drinks in their garden, where the guests sit at a safe distance and follow a strict safety protocol. We spent the entire afternoon and evening with them and had the most amazing feast and drank/tasted Burgundy wines. I was the designated driver and the person who knows the least about her wines, so I just tasted, and only the reds – they were all delicious. A wonderful visit all together. I got home just before the curfew and fell into bed without writing my Oysterhood post.

I was so impressed with the strict lockdown measures these two extraordinary people have taken to protect their health and lives. He used to travel around the world for half the year and had to reinvent how to do business without leaving the house. She lost most of her work for about half a year before it gradually started returning and she continued from home. Together, they organised highly successful campaigns to help other companies survive the lockdown. They swim, read tons of books, keep in touch with friends and work on their relationship as it faces new challenges under these extreme circumstances. Despite everything, they radiate a positivity about life that is inspiring. I loved what they said: ‘It is actually nothing to live like this for one or two years of the hopefully eighty or so years of your life, at least you get to live it all.’ They are waiting for the vaccine rollout and hope that it will liberate them. They can’t wait to see the rest of the world again.

I forgot to take a photo of the lovely wine bottles we tasted, so above is a random Burgundy (I hope!) wine label.

The last news I saw before falling asleep was about the impeachment. I can’t say that it surprised me, but I can’t stop shaking my head whenever I think of it.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

A pandemic nightmare: feeling really awful, I felt my sore throat constricting and knew I had Covid-19. But, mercifully, my Mom was there. When I told her, she said, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.’ I woke up sometime after three a.m. and had a very patchy night from then on.

But it was a good opportunity to catch up with the full text of the SONA and to read Siphokazi’s poem and watch Trevor Noah and eventually get up and make coffee.

“The artist contemplates whether to eat her own words to ease her hunger – and art starves.” (‘What does not sink’ by Siphokazi Jonas)

This artist drowned in admin today, and she wrote a million emails (or maybe just 999 944). At the end of the day, she put a lovely UCOOK dinner into the oven and washed all her tiled floors. Then her love arrived with a beautiful bottle of wine and they had dinner and leaned a bit on each other, as the week had been brutal to both of them, and then he went home and she continued sipping the beautiful wine in front of the TV.

Another working week behind us. Kind of. I will try to do some editing tomorrow morning. Or not.

Hey, my floors are shining! What else can one want?

“SHELLINESS is reclusiveness, or a fondness for staying at home.” (Another Haggard Hawks gem.)

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

‘Eish. Yoh. Yoh. Yoh. Yoh. Yoh!’ A voice message sent to CapeTalk earlier today to summarise what the SONA would contain in six words. I chuckled.

I know I should have listened to the real thing, but I just couldn’t. I will read about it tomorrow. The only thing I regret is that I did not hear Siphokazi Jonas’s performance tonight, but I hope the video will become available in time, too.

Among all her other amazing achievements, Siphokazi is New Contrast‘s newly appointed poetry editor (if there ever was a reason to submit/subscribe to the magazine! – and when you contact the business manager – moi :) – about subscribing, I will be delighted to assist).

This was another, mostly heavy, long day. Some things got done, others didn’t, but I am as kind to myself as I can be and just repeat, ‘tomorrow is another day’.

I went to the Mainland China Food Market in Claremont in the morning and got myself lots of dim sum and a few BBQ buns. Dinner was two steamed BBQ buns, a few dumplings and leftover red wine. Simple bliss.

Early night, me thinks.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

‘It’s time to be responsible. It’s time to take care,’ said Rafa about the small crowds after his first-round win at the Australian Open. The Down Under Grand Slam is good for bouts of insomnia. There is always something to keep you occupied after two a.m. …

This morning the light was dancing on my bed and I thought that I should take a picture of it. Is there a better way to start the day than with coffee and poetry and a dancing morning light?

The rest of the day was work, work, work, until it was time for loadshedding at four p.m. I decided to go for a longish walk and buy a few needed things for the house and The Cats. Then I read the last of the Harry Bosch novels … A kind of enforced personal workloadshedding.

We soldier on.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

A new orchid – a gift from Qarnita Loxton. And she did not even know that I am the Orchid Whisperer. We met at the Book Lounge today. It is impossible to gather in large numbers to celebrate, but at least I could hand over the Philida Literary Award certificate to Qarnita and congratulate her in person. A happy encounter!

A visit to the Book Lounge is impossible without buying a new book. My choice today was the latest from a new local independent publisher, Burnt Toast.

In the evening, I went to my love’s, and we had a simple pasta for dinner. We are both battling to keep smiling in the face of it all, but it is always easier to battle together.

Today, seventeen years ago, my brother and I arrived in Cape Town for the first time. It was J. M. Coetzee’s birthday. He celebrated his eighty-first today! And Krystian and I took a trip down memory lane.

Krystian and I during our first trip to Cape Point, 2004:

We travelled together around the country for three weeks and loved it. I stayed for another few weeks to do research for my PhD, and Krystian returned home to Austria, but he has been my most regular visitor ever since I moved to Cape Town permanently in 2005.

I always thought that the picture Krystian took of me on the rock said it all: I was where I belonged.

I am where I belong, no matter how challenging it is right now.

This day was once again filled with work and responsibilities, but for a brief time this morning, The Cats and I watched Rafa play at the Australian Open and we were content.

(I don’t want to think about the disheartening sales reports and crushing January returns – i.e. Karavan Press’s shaky future … Tonight, I will be Scarlett and think about it tomorrow.)

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD