Negative reader’s reports and rejection letters are never easy to write, and I started the working day today by completing and sending one.
Seeing my counsellor this morning was not easy either – stuff does come up – but she always makes me feel better about the world. An amazing human being, brilliant at her job. Facing some of my sad core beliefs is tough, but the process also involves a sense of liberation. The truth will set you free, etc.
“The future tends to occur.” A wonderful piece of dialogue from the series my love and I are watching. I spent the afternoon working at his house and waiting for a delivery while he was at the office. We then had dinner and watched another witty episode.
Great literary news: another Karavan Press title made the longlist of an award – Melissa A. Volker’s A Fractured Land – one of the first two books we ever published. It is so heartening to see that other readers are delighting in the books we bring into the world. Melissa is working on her third novel, but before we get there, her fans have a lovely summer surprise coming their way very soon. Watch this space!
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
Yesterday was a busy and partly frustrating day, but many good things also got done. The problem was, apart from the heavy workload, that I felt worse a week after the intruder invasion than just afterwards. And it also reflected in last night’s lack of decent sleep and today’s impossible headache, but in the end I took some meds and made a fire and allowed most of the tension to burn away in the warmth of the flames.
Today is the official publication day for DISRUPTION: NEW SHORT FICTION FROM AFRICA. A true baby of the pandemic, it came to life under nearly impossible circumstances. But we made it happen and it looks so good. First review is in: Isele Magazine.
I spoke briefly with Mom tonight: my father cut off a significant part of one of his fingers earlier today. The doctors managed to reattach it and, if all goes well, he will be able to keep it, but what a freaky thing to happen to him after decades of working with potentially lethal tools in his bicycle workshop and never hurting himself that badly before.
There are serious rumours of an upcoming family meeting and level two! We have survived the third wave, and now many of us can also face the fourth without fearing for our lives – thanks to the vaccines!
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
Salieri has not been feeling great this weekend, but she finally had some proper food and is now sleeping peacefully on the bed.
I had a very slow start to the day, getting up and showering only in the late afternoon. I read, watched a recording, did some work, listened to the radio and the rain, and I spoke to Mom and Krystian on Skype. In the late afternoon, I went to my love’s, where we spent the rest of the day together. He cooked a delicious dinner for us. Life’s simple – i.e. most precious – treasures.
Zuma is out on medical parole – surprise, surprise. Sigh. The only questions are: what took him so long? And: is a justice system that allows such abuses of itself still a just system?
But tonight, I will be Scarlett and think about it tomorrow. For now, all I want to wonder about is whether I will be able to stay up long enough to watch Alcaraz Garfia play at the US Open … I am very curious how he will do after the greatest win of his career in the previous round.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
Spring. Kind of. My love recently gave us this velvety, fluffy, gorgeous blanket and, apart from independent-always-in-his-outdoor-nest Mozart, we all agree that currently the best place to be is under the blanket (especially on a rainy Sunday). I am trying to be as kind to, and as patient with, myself as I can, understanding that it’s either that or eventually a trip to Valkenberg, because there is a limit to what one should be able to take. I just want to get on with things and not be recovering from lesser or greater traumas.
I saw my counsellor on Wednesday and she did a fascinating exercise with me to reshape the emotional content of my memories connected with the intruder in my home. The brain is a curious creature, and even though it was difficult to think that such an exercise might help, it did make me feel better afterwards. I have also been thinking a lot about a Meditative Story I had listed to in the morning of the day of the traumatic encounter with the stranger in my house. In the story, a father was asking himself why he and his family had to deal with the difficulties they’d encountered on their path, and he came up with the answer that these things are random, that all of us have something that is making our particular life challenging to some extent. It is just a matter of what to do about it.
In my case, I am trying to give myself the space and time to feel that it is okay not to feel okay. And, on a much more fundamental level, I am desperately establishing and protecting my personal and professional boundaries. I have learned to be incredibly patient, flexible and accommodating, to handle many responsibilities simultaneously and to usually put others first, and to still manage to do what I want/need for myself, or, if the latter becomes impossible under given circumstances, not to feel resentful. This kind of being in the world is great for most people around me, but it is not always great for me. And I want to change that. There has to be a better balance between what I am capable of and what I should actually do.
Friday was a very busy day: there were several places I had to go to and quite a few things to accomplish, but from the moment I – a self-confessed technological dinosaur – set out, technology was against me, and it was difficult to explain myself to others and not to despair. However, the wonderful thing was that in every situation – no matter how technologically vexing – people, complete strangers, came through for me, and with their help I managed to achieve everything that I set out to do. In the evening, my love and I had dinner with family and I was basking in the warmth of these people who care about me, but also in the memories of the kindness of strangers.
Most times, we are unable to communicate what makes a particular situation a challenge to us when on the surface it seems uncomplicated to others, and it is always kindness that saves the day. Your distress is recognised and acknowledged without having to be explained and someone just says, ‘Don’t worry; I got this.’
So, to the helpful man at the warehouse and the patient women at the National Library and the organised team at the traffic department in Fish Hoek – thank you! You saved me, and I still remember all your kind eyes, listening without judgement, helping me along and wishing me well. You are my Heroes of Kindness!
By the way: there was a queue to get into the National Library in Cape Town on Friday. Some queues make one feel good about the world. This was one of them for me.
Saturday was a blissful day. My love and I drove out to Riebeek Kasteel and went to a very special wine tasting at Roundstone where the Mullineux wines are made. And I spent the evening with very dear Friends, celebrating a beautiful occasion. We spoke about what it takes to be a woman right now, in our circumstances, trying to lead a meaningful, fulfilling life; and we listened to a COVID-ICU (second wave) survivor tell her story (she got fully vaccinated the moment it was possible for her to do so).
I feel like getting a badge that says ‘VACCINATED AGAINST COVID-19’: knowing that you are interacting with people who are vaccinated, makes you feel so much better about the interaction – you know you will not kill them or their loved ones by simply breathing.
The latest report on excess deaths in SA during the pandemic says 230 000 people. This is very difficult to comprehend, but we now have the means to prevent further loss on this scale …
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
Salieri, pretending not to listen to online conversations
A day of live and online literary meetings and trying to deal with higher – much higher – levels of anxiety. Sore cheeks. Miraculously, I did sleep last night. Not terribly well, but I did rest. I dreamt of Topolino being rammed into by a car out of control – Dr Freud would have a field day with me (on most days).
It is difficult not to think of myself as a disaster magnet right now. Why can’t I have boring? I just want a really boring life for a while. (Yes, I sound like a broken LP.)
The US Open has begun, and I realised last night that I find myself unable to support tennis players who are anti-vaxxers, even when I had cheered for them in the past.
Thank goodness all my friends care and are eager to protect themselves and others.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
I had a surreal encounter with an intruder – the bizarrest conversations with a stranger ever – in my home earlier today. We both knew why he was here, in my house, exploiting an unusual lapse in security awareness on my part (I left the front security gate and door open for a few minutes), but we both pretended otherwise and gently (!) talked ourselves out of the mad situation. He left, I stayed. No one was hurt. Nothing was taken. He did not have a weapon. When I asked him to, he even emptied his pockets to show me that he really hadn’t stolen anything, that he was in my kitchen only because ‘the door was open’. We were so polite with each other that he even told me his name.
I am crashing fast after the initial shock. My love is here. The door is closed, the alarm on. And I am thanking my lucky stars that this young man wasn’t older, bigger, stronger, more experienced, less scared, armed, on drugs or purely evil.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
A proper Sunday: reading in bed, long walk along the Promenade with my love, browsing at the Book Lounge, Skype lunch with Mom and Krystian, gardening, more reading, some football and new series watching with my love, and his famous roast chicken for dinner. And last night, I slept again. No side effects, unless these two nights of deep sleep with dreams are an indication of some kind of vaccine-induced tiredness that needed to be slept off. It might simply be the relief that my life will be safe from COVID-19 soon. Whatever the reason – it is bliss to sleep properly. May there be many more such nights.
AN ISLAND and LET IT FALL WHERE IT WILL are both on the table on the left :)
Ever since watching Thando Mgqolozana’s “Gaslighting 101” video, as well as reading Siphiwo Mahala’s “statement” and the many social media comments which followed both, I cannot stop thinking about the unfolding consciousness crisis in the literary community. Believing is one thing; acting another. And integrity has a very high price. It will be interesting to see who will be willing to pay it, and how.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
We went to the Makers Landing Market at the Waterfront this morning. I have never been there before, but I will go back – perhaps at lunchtime next time: the food options are more suited to lunch than breakfast, although I loved the breakfast bun, green juice and delicious coffee I had to start the day. My love got a few vinyl records and we bought lovely fresh bread, and buns and Wagyu beef patties for our burgers in the evening.
I read and did some work in the afternoon. With every contribution I read in Our Ghosts Were Once People, edited by Bongani Kona, I want other readers to discover this special book. I am not so sure about other writing I had to read today, but sometimes it is good to compare and to look for what makes sentences/paragraphs shine and what doesn’t work.
No side effects from the vaccine and it has been more than thirty-six hours now, so I am not expecting anything any longer.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
I fainted and fell, bruising my left arm and thigh badly, the night before my second Pfizer vaccine appointment (thank goodness, it happened before, otherwise I might have thought it a side effect of the vaccine). This hadn’t happened to me in a while, but I used to lose consciousness because of menstrual pains quite regularly in the past. A scary experience, especially when you are alone and unprepared. When I was younger, I recognised the signs better and could usually protect myself by lying down before fainting. This time, I just did not realise what was happening before it was too late. Fortunately, I did not hit my head and recovered pretty quickly after the incident. But I felt strangely vulnerable, driving out to the New Somerset Hospital for my second jab in the morning. I arrived at eight. Despite having an appointment, confirmed by a text message, I wasn’t on the official appointment list at the hospital, but the gentleman at the reception desk quickly took all my details and asked me to sit in the queue. There were maybe twenty people before me and the queue moved swiftly. The doctor who administered my jab was friendly and careful not to show me the needle (I warned him about my phobia before sitting down). I told him about the painful bruise on my left arm and asked him to administer the vaccine on my right (twenty-four hours later and my left arm is still more sore than the right, where the needle went in). I was in and out of the hospital in just under an hour. I knew that I had a short window period before possible side effects kicked in, so I still ran some morning errands – I saw a beautiful rainbow against the background of Table Mountain while driving around – and returned home just in time for a walk with my love. Then, he went to his office and I just settled in for an afternoon of work in bed.
By five, I still had no side effects whatsoever, so I picked up two pizzas and headed over to my love’s house for an evening in front of the fireplace and TV. We started watching a new series. There was a thunderstorm and hail – Topolino’s first experience of ‘snowy’ conditions (I had learned to drive in snow, in the middle of the Austrian winter, but Topolino is a creature of the South).
Last night, I slept like a stone and had a dream about an author whose work I love: Katherine Stansfield. Still no side effects apart from maybe that unusually deep, restful sleep (if it was one, I will take it!) and a wave of gigantic, overwhelming RELIEF. I made it.
I MADE IT.
Through the global efforts of dedicated scientists and health care workers, their guidance and innovations, I have managed to keep safe from the coronavirus and COVID-19. This miracle – all these months in the making – is still sinking in. Two more weeks and I will be safe from potential serious complications and death should I contract the virus in the future. SAFE. I will live. And I will be able to travel and see my Family. I am overflowing with gratitude.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
Desperate times. Desperate measures. I had pistachio ice cream and coffee with pistachio ice cream for lunch. It was either that or getting a stiff drink – or three – much too early in the day. I am not going to say what I had to do this morning; I will just note that some things are not ‘easy’.
The rest of the day was just work, work, work, but all of it emotionally rewarding. Quick dinner with my love. And I had my pistachio lunch while chatting to Mom and Krystian on Skype. Their food was just plain boring in comparison, but hey, they did not have to endure what I had had to.
Tomorrow is THE DAY. My second dose of Pfizer! It might also be the anniversary of my first kiss, but it’s not a very fond memory and I am not entirely sure, so from tomorrow on, the 27th of August will be celebrated as the day I got fully vaccinated against COVID-19. Exactly one year and seven months after lockdown was declared in South Africa. Who would have thought this possible back then? Wow.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
Karina Magdalena 