Boring. I used to think that being bored meant being stupid. A long time ago, I watched a Western where the hero told the beautiful woman he was pursuing that only stupid people got bored, because smart people always found something interesting to do or think. Needless to say, I haven’t been much bored since. He was really handsome. But, NOW, I keep longing for boring. Or simply sitting still with no need to do anything, or only the things that give one joy.
My love and I had breakfast (with lots of lovely bacon) and went for a walk around the Rondebosch Common together. The rest of the day was reading, for pleasure and for work. Butter chicken for dinner. Simple things. Almost boring. And boring nowadays feels like heaven.
One month from today I will be forty-five. “Tell me, what would you do in 2022 if you knew you could not fail?” Robyn Porteous asked on Twitter today. I know what the answer is for me and I do not want to wait until 2022 to start. I do not intend to fail. New year’s resolution(s) loading.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local. Get vaccinated, please. Live.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
One of those rare days when there wasn’t enough coffee to keep me awake. Arriving home last night, I stood on the stoep for a while and just breathed in the fresh sea scent. I live quite a distance away from the shore, but sometimes the sea visits, and last night she came in all her perfumed glory. A clear indication of a change in weather, and so it was. I could hardly keep my eyes open on this foggy, drizzly, partly sunny, mild day. My love and I went for a walk and got rained on towards the end. But we had a simple braai for lunch, so it was all warm and cosy next to the fire on the stoep. Mozart and Glinka came to join us.
In the afternoon, I managed to do some good work before and after my sleep. Not sure what this evening holds, but I guess my DVD collection will provide some much-loved distraction. And a good sleep during the night would be welcome.
Salieri is slightly better, but I think we will have to visit the vet before our scheduled check-up in February. Sigh. My poor baby.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local. Get vaccinated, please. Live.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
Two days that feel like a lifetime, and they perfectly sum up this year: heaven and hell; things happening at such a speed that it seems impossible to take them in or comprehend them. I am overwhelmed by sadness and fear, but also eternally grateful. The story of 2021.
Journalist Miriam Mannak died at the age of 45. Apart from following her on Twitter, I did not know her, but she was a very dear friend to somebody I care about – somebody who has had a terrible year, but it had been made bearable largely thanks to the selfless efforts of Miriam, who assisted my friend during many months of need. I read the news of Miriam’s passing just before leaving home to spend Christmas & Boxing Days with my love. Miriam was my age; she died without any warning.
My love and I needed to be mostly alone this Christmas. We wanted to have a calm festive season and celebrate that we have survived this year and to honour all the miracles and grace that this year has afforded us despite all the horror. Earlier this month, when South Africa’s borders were effectively closed to travellers, many restaurants and other tourist destinations suffered immediate cancellations and reopened bookings for the festive season. When one of our favourites – La Colombe – sent out an alert about their open seats, we grabbed the opportunity and booked for Christmas lunch: our Christmas gift to us. It was the first time ever I had a meal in a restaurant at Christmas time. And it was beyond-words-marvellous. I am not sure that there is a going back to Christmas cooking after this … unless it is my Mom’s cooking.
Because I did not want us to drive after such a meal or bother about securing safe transport, I booked us into the neighbouring Silvermist Hotel. We swam, sunbathed in the late afternoon, walked, read, relaxed and slept early after having a pot of rooibos tea for dinner (nothing else had room in our happy stomachs).
The next day early, we headed back home and picked up the Sunday Times which featured my book of the year. The text was slightly shortened, so the full version is beneath.
I was uncertain whether I wanted to read anything else about the irrefutable fact of our mortality at a time when we were constantly confronted with its reality during the pandemic, but I have the greatest admiration for writer/editor Bongani Kona, so I braved the anthology he compiled on the subject this year, Our Ghosts Were Once People: Stories on Death and Dying. And I have no regrets. Not only does the book include contributions by some of my favourite authors, delivering incisive and exquisite writing – Mary Watson, Hedley Twidle, Tariq Hoosen, Dawn Garisch, Musawenkosi Khanyile, Karin Schimke, Shubnum Khan and Nick Mulgrew among them – but allowed me to immerse myself in the topic in unexpected ways, whether through Stacy Hardy’s haunting short story told from the perspective of a murdered forensic pathologist or Madeleine Fullard’s indispensable essay about the disappeared victims of apartheid’s horrors. I am deeply grateful to the writers for this remarkable book which feels like essential reading for our complex present.
Our ghosts were once people. Today, one of our people became an ancestor …
We started preparing breakfast when the news arrived via a phone call. My love was called back to work to report on the death of Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Blinking away tears, I said to him, “I know he was old, and that he was ill. But it sucks.” And I wrote to a friend, “2021 can fuck off.” It really can. Because if we thought that this day was done with us, this afternoon, we found out that a dear friend is in the ICU awaiting a bypass after a brush with death yesterday.
I don’t know whether to mourn or celebrate. A life has been taken, another saved. With Tutu’s death, it feels like our country lost her soul. He was a truly good man, a man of greatness and grace. Someone we could always turn to for guidance. Always. But after the initial shock of the news, I realised that this soul, the moral compass that guided us and millions of others around the world for decades, is not lost as long as we continue cherishing the Arch’s legacy and carry his wisdom and compassion in our hearts.
I am a bit numb. All of this is impossible to hold simultaneously. My friend has cancer, another is waiting in ICU for a life-saving operation, another is mourning the loss of someone who cared for her deeply. And here we are, watching TV, writing, squeezing a loved hand, and having a simple dinner. We are feeling a gigantic sense of relief that our friend’s life was not taken, and we are shaken by the death of a moral giant who has come as close to being holy as a human can.
A friend told me today how special cherries are for her, and I remembered how we used to collect and eat them by the bucket during the cherry seasons when I was growing up in Poland. We need to celebrate the small, mundane pleasures in life. Those everyday joys. And live our lives with wisdom and compassion, so that we can live without regrets.
And tomorrow, we wake up with hope, no matter what.
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”
— Archbishop Desmond Tutu
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local. Get vaccinated, please. Live.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
It had to be small and intimate. I just could not face big celebrations and many people – no matter how dearly loved – this year for Christmas. I read a lot in the morning; then met my lovely temporary neighbour for a small lunch and exchanged gifts; together, we delivered a small gift to our friend who is having a really rough time right now; and I cooked a very simple dinner for my love. No meat, just fish and veggies – the only traditional aspect of today’s food. After dinner, we opened our gifts from the lovely temporary neighbour and connected briefly with Mom and Krystian on Skype. I will watch some TV and go to bed. Tomorrow, we will have a Christmas lunch feast for two. But today’s simple calm was all that was needed. For many reasons, for many people, this is not an easy time of the year, and maybe sometimes one has to be selfish about it. And to say: this is what I need. I did polish the silver. And I did set an extra place at the Christmas Eve dinner table according to Polish tradition.
I sent out some Christmas greetings today and will continue to do so tomorrow, but I am sure to forget someone. I apologise. I do wish everyone well.
If you are reading this – thank you. May you and your loved ones have the kind of Festive Season you need, and may it be healthy and joyous. Merry Christmas!
Salieri hasn’t been herself in the last few days, but she is eating again with a little bit of help and definitely enjoying her long sleeps, especially when she can be on my lap.
Today, I read, did some work for New Contrast, went walking, cooked a nice dinner (new recipe) for my love, and all day long I have been waiting for news from my friend. When it arrived this evening, I felt what I have been feeling all year long: anxiety, anger, fear, relief, hope, and, and, and. It is not great news, but it is also not the worst. The journey ahead is going to be really awful, but it will be accompanied by a lot of hope and it will have a kind outcome – I firmly believe that this beautiful, amazing woman will be able to continue with her life the way she has been living it until now: with a sense of adventure, courage, resilience, heart and lots and lots of joy. Yet, I so wish she did not have to go through this.
My brother remarked how quickly things can change and turn everything upside down. Indeed. But now, they will change for the better. There is no other option!
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local. Get vaccinated, please.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
My last visit to the printers for the year – this time to pick up the latest issue of New Contrast. I will be sending it out to subscribers after Christmas.
I wrote a blog post about 2021 and Karavan Press, and had a typo in the original title, of course (it has been a loooooong year).
In the morning, I also saw my counsellor and we spoke about topics that in a strange way prepared me for the news of the afternoon: a dear, lovely friend has been diagnosed with a serious disease. I saw her together with another friend and we spoke about this new reality, the fears and hopes for the future, and how we will be facing it together. We cannot travel this journey for her, but we will be there for her. And in my head, I am planning a big ladies’ lunch to celebrate the day when all the pain and anxiety are behind her and she can enjoy her life to the fullest again.
Our health is such a fragile, precious thing. We need to treasure it.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local. Get vaccinated, please.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
I have never gone so long without a visit to the hairdresser. I don’t think that my hair has ever been as long as it is now. It is surprisingly healthy and still relatively easy to manage, but I am gradually thinking that maybe it is time to cut off a little bit …
A day of early morning reading and then admin. I am working on too many projects at the same time, and maybe like my hair, something will have to be cut in the new year. I am kind of coping, but there is very little room for error to keep everything on track. And it’s not like everything is falling into place and everyone else is doing their job on time. I really dislike having to pick up the pieces, not only for myself but for too many others.
In the wise words of Manuel: “But I learn, I learn.”
My lovely temporary neighbour (a dear friend is housesitting nearby) invited me for a beautiful lunch today, and in the evening, my love and I treated ourselves to a celebration of the longest day of the year on top of one of the loveliest places in Cape Town: The Silo Hotel. And today’s windless, balmy evening was absolutely perfect for the occasion. The city delivered with her usual spectacular charms and the evening was pure bliss.
I love this city.
I am hoping for a better night than last; I slept really poorly and not terribly long.
Good night.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local. Get vaccinated, please.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
Monday. Early start to the day. I was at my computer just after seven, and then, all over the place for the rest of the day – deliveries, shopping, PostNet, post office, distributor, Liberty Books, admin. But it all worked out as planned and I had a good time, especially at the Peregrine Farm Stall. I have new books and a fabulous new book bag, my favourite Viennas, and two bottles of lovely wine from the area.
At the end of the day, I met my love for sushi at HARU. And we spoke about our next trip to Oudrif. Because it is important to dream good dreams and have lovely things to look forward to.
After so much loss and suffering and stress, the festive season can feel totally overwhelming. For me, this was a very painful time of the year for quite a while, and I am only beginning to get into the mood for Christmas again. But the pandemic – and LIFE – are not making things easier. In two or three years, I might want a proper Christmas again. But for now, I need to be kind to myself. This year, we chose to celebrate in an oysterhoodish way, just my love and I. It feels exactly right, and I am really looking forward to the feast of it.
I don’t want to deny the miracles of 2021, because a few of them were beyond miraculous, but I also have to acknowledge that this has been a very hard year and it has left quite a few scars behind. I am grateful for all the kind people I have in my life. I would be so lost without you …
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local. Get vaccinated, please.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
Overcome by a bout of laziness. Not entirely guilt-free, because I should have worked more this weekend, but it was just sooooo goooood simply to relax: stay late in bed, hang out by the pool, read one book after another, spend time with my love and friends. Just be. Loved it. And Rosebank has become its usual ghostly self this time of the year. It feels as if everyone has left the neighourhood for the holidays. I can never get enough of this atmosphere around the festive season. This calm is so badly needed after the year we have had that I am just going to bask in it and forget about guilt.
Saturday evening braai with friends.
Reading and relaxing with Salieri.
Tomorrow is going to be busy, but I hope in a good way. Tonight, I am going to bed with the latest Grisham. I have also started Dolphin Junction, the Mick Herron story collection – wonderful! – he is one of my favourite writers. All this joyous pleasure reading – a real holiday.
Good night.
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local. Get vaccinated, please.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
First day of ordinary life: a morning walk on the Promenade with my love and breakfast at the deli near the lighthouse.
Our friend Caroline of Caroline’s Fine Wine Cellar relocated to a new shop in Sea Point and we went to visit her there for the first time after our walk.
Caroline has great taste and her collection is simply wonderful. And it is not just for wine snobs – she has wines for all, prices ranging between just under a hundred rand to well over a few thousand. There is a shelf for a few bottles from Austria, and I bought the Zweigelt for Christmas.
Next stop was the Book Lounge, where #MyBookLounge lucky draw hamper and the books I had ordered were waiting. Getting all those books felt like Christmas. I was delighted to get them home and start choosing which to keep and which to give away to friends (I have a few of them already, so the extra will be happily shared).
At lunchtime, I met with Mom and Krystian on Skype again, and we just laughed and laughed after discovering how to use different backgrounds for our chat. This is my absolute favourite:
Yes, I did do some work today as well, but the day was just about going places and doing nice things. It had to end at The Hoghouse, of course. I bought us a takeaway dinner and took it to my love’s house, where we had a delicious, quiet evening at home.
I am relived to have dodged the COVID-19 bullet yet again, and I am glad to be vaccinated and to live in a city where there are so many places and experiences that can make one so easily happy. I am also very grateful for all the beautiful people in my life. And all the laughter, despite everything.
(That a certain someone is eleven point five million rand poorer also makes me happy. We need so much more such justice in this land.)
Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local. Get vaccinated, please.
“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”
