OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

These goodies from the Hoghouse were supposed to lift my recovering love’s spirits, and they did, but I also profited from the treat big time today. By the time they arrived, my own spirits were low and needed lifting.

A day of unreasonable demands, meetings, tons of work and in the middle of it all a short trip to the printer nearby to pick up some proofs. I parked. A tall, young man wearing a parking attendant’s vest (but no mask) approached the car. The moment I rolled down the widow, he started begging. First for money, then for food. I got out of the car (mistake!) and wanted to direct him to the soup kitchen in the area (which we have all been encouraged to do), but he became aggressive – in gestures and language. Intimidated, completely alone (not a soul in sight apart from the two of us), I gently said: please, I don’t feel comfortable; I cannot help you; please leave me alone. He went off, shouting abuse at me. I picked up the proofs and headed back to Topolino. The young man was back, waiting. I was too scared to properly understand what he was saying, but when I repeated that I cannot help him and started getting into the car, he began once again shouting abuses at me and then throwing things in my direction, hitting the car. Shaking, I managed to get into the car and drive off, with him screaming and gesticulating obscenities behind me.

Turning at the next intersection, I drove right into a road block. I stopped and explained what had just happened to me to the group of policemen next to the road. They promised to investigate immediately. I hope they did, because the next person the young man might have encountered might not have been able to get away … I went to my next appointment with trembling hands. Once the adrenaline wore off, I crashed, and the rest of the day was just a matter of soldiering on. And the whole time I kept asking myself, would this have happened to a man in the same situation? Probably not. I am too tired to be angry.

One of our guests gave me a box of chocolates last weekend. I had them all today and for a while the sweetness of friendship made everything better. In the evening, I had dinner with my love and that made everything better, too.

Today, I feel very vulnerable and it fucks with my mind to try to contextualise my vulnerability within the wider one which I’d encountered today – of existential despair manifesting as violence.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

Lockdown level 1, light.

Anxiety levels through the roof.

My cheeks are sore, sore.

But productivity levels are at an unusual high. We soldier on.

My love had to undergo a medical treatment today that is not exactly painless. It is terrible to see someone you care about go through such procedures. But, he is doing as well as one can under the circumstances, and it is good to know that all of the suffering means that he will be better off in the end than before. That is all that matters.

A friend visited in the late afternoon and we sat far apart on the stoep and talked. It was so good to see her. We are planning a literary event together.

But first, this literary event is coming up and I hope that enough poetry lovers are as starved for a live poetry reading as I am and will come to support us at The Alma Café on 2 December. We will make sure that everyone is seated in such a way that we all feel comfortable and as safe as possible, there will be wine and there will be poetry – a perfect evening, me thinks! And Stephen is not only a wonderful poet, but also a great reader, so we are in for a treat.

Stephen is also the creative force behind most of Karavan Press’s cover and typesetting design. And, Karavan Press will be publishing his debut collection of short stories next year. Yes, we soldier on. But none of us can do any of this without the support of readers, so THANK YOU to all of you who bought, read, loved, reviewed, spoke about or gifted a Karavan Press book to someone. That’s a manifestation of literary ubuntu. Thank you!

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

I edited a book earlier this year. Today, together with the author, I went to look at the finished product at the printers, before distribution. The title will be announced within days and I will share it the moment the author gives me the go-ahead. I can say that it is a debut and to watch the author hold the book in her hands for the first time today was truly special.

Fellow South Africans, throughout the entire presidential address I was waiting for some kind of a bomb to drop, but I go to bed with a heavy, but not heavier, heart. Wear a mask, keep social distancing, remember and honour the sacrifices made, drink to your heart’s content (also on weekends) and travel as safely as possible, be careful and responsible at all times – I think that is roughly the gist of it. I might be too tired to remember everything.

Highlight of the day: pizza and beer with my love for dinner. Simple but comforting.

Sore cheeks, not a good sign.

Tomorrow, we have a rough day ahead. May sleep be kind.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

Ace Magashule.

Somewhere, pigs are flying!

A tense Tuesday sprinkled with good news on all fronts. The issued arrest warrant is so bewildering that everything else somehow pales in comparison.

I heard the news on my way to Kalk Bay to see Dawn Garisch about a safe possibility of launching her next book in real life. It is all looking better than good.

There was editing, proofreading, designing, running, despairing, admin, book delivering, pool cleaning, shopping, Skype with Mom, Krystian and Vatko (!), and the news that a dream debut author is considering publishing with Karavan Press. My morale was quite low this morning after a rather miserable night. But I work with amazing, inspiring people, and it is impossible to keep low for too long when they are around.

At the end of the busy day, I just wanted comfort food which I did not have to prepare myself. Obvious choice: HARU. It was time to try their burgers. They are fantastic! My only regret was that my love had to work tonight and couldn’t be there. On Tuesdays, they have a ‘buy one, get one free’ special for burgers, but even in my starved state, I could not consider eating two myself. Next time!

Someone else in our household was eating for two today: Salieri. She was feeling quite ill yesterday and refused to eat all day long (highly unusual for my “traditionally built” Salieri), but today she made up for yesterday’s losses. She is purring next to the keyboard as I type. In other feline news: I took my love’s cat to the vet for a checkup. She is doing remarkably well, the vet said. We are all happy about that.

And now, my brain will no longer cooperate and my body wants a warm bed to rest in. So, good night, dear Readers out there! I hope you are all coping with the madness of it all, preferably better than me.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

Returns. In a recent Twitter post, Nadia Goetham explained: “#Bookworms, as publishers we cannot compel bookstores to stock our authors’ works. So if you don’t find a title at your local bookshop, ask the staff to order it for you.” I thought a lot about her important message today, because there is also another side to this particular coin. Most publishers allow bookshops to return unsold stock and get their money back. There are only a few bookshops that do not return stock, no matter what. To survive the low sales during lockdown, many bookshops, especially Exclusive Books, reduced their stock and returned lots and lots of books to the publishers’ distributors. As one of these publishers, I have known what was happening for a while, of course, so as an author I was not surprised to get a royalty statement today morning that reflected negative sales of the paper version of my latest book, and only minimal sales of the ebook. The only thing I have to figure out now is what to do with the princely sum of R111 (the balance of these sales/returns – my royalties for half a year!). If I remember correctly, one can get a bottle of Miss Molly for R109 at Checkers …

My greater worry is what these returns have been doing to Karavan Press during lockdown. After receiving the latest sales/returns reports as a publisher this evening, I lighted a candle and poured myself a glass of red.

Luckily, I suppose, I opened these depressing reports after a day of publishing joy: editing, a visit to the printer and an independent bookshop (that does not do returns!), a meeting with a debut novelist to discuss her manuscript which I hope will find a home at Karavan Press, and a meeting with an existing Karavan Press author just to talk, have tea, plan ahead and sign a few books for another bookshop.

But I do not look forward to sending out royalty statements to my authors for the period of the lockdown. They are not going to make anyone happy. I might have to get a bottle of Miss Molly for everyone, so that we can drown our sorrows in bubbly.

Despite all the recent wonderful developments at Karavan Press, it is nearly impossible to keep on hoping that it will all somehow turn out well in the end. The returns over lockdown are killing us. How does one continue dreaming? I don’t know. “It’s a mystery!” (My favourite line from the stage version of Shakespeare in Love.)

In other survival news: Pfizer seems to have a working Covid-19 vaccine. A flicker of hope on the horizon.

In yet other survival news: my right arm hurt so much at four a.m. on Sunday morning that I thought I would have to wake up my love and ask him to take me to the nearest emergency room. I had never experienced anything like it before. Painkillers and a self-massage allowed me to get back to sleep eventually, but I was seriously worried. I have been massaging my poor arm regularly since then and it seems to be getting back to normal again, but I still have no clue what had caused the pain.

Being monstrual does not help anything either.

But having great books to read is a solace, and I am reading one now that I am supposed to review and I am loving it more and more with every new chapter.

Words, language, story. Understanding and compassion. Sharing.

Don’t lose hope, Karina. A mystery might be a possibility, too.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

Representation. It counts.

It feels easier to be a woman today. Suddenly, our reality seems and hopefully will be lighter, brighter – with so many more opportunities on offer. And women like Kamal Harris and Jill Biden will inspire us for years to come. Watching Kamala Harris’s speech this morning, I felt empowered and proud. And I know that I am by far not the only one.

Van Jones’s reaction to yesterday’s events brought me to tears, too.

“Character MATTERS. Telling the truth MATTERS. Being a good person MATTERS,” he said.

Yes, all of these things matter.

As someone who has experienced the helplessness and crushing despair of going up against men in powerful positions who lack integrity, lie, steal and do only damage, and of being told that my truth meant nothing, that I did not matter, to see the end of one of them on the world stage feels like a private victory. There was so much at stake, and this time decency prevailed. Thank goddess!

“Today is a good day,” Van Jones said. It is indeed.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

A day of HOPE. People with heart, soul – empathy! – will replace an empty, egotistic void. A global sigh of relief.

Also a day of everyday miracles: all three of my Furry Friends shared the bed with me this morning.

And this evening, my love and I hosted our first lockdown dinner for friends.

No, it was not a battalion a friends – we just had PLENTY to celebrate … And my love brought a few of his really special bottles for us to share.

I go to bed tipsy, content and at peace with the world. The Tangerine Troll is no more.

Thank you to every single person who voted to make this happen (and all the others: I can only hope that once the gaslighting spell breaks, you will find calm and forgive yourself – psychopaths are toxic people; sometimes it takes a while to understand what they are capable of, how much devastation they can leave behind …).

But: the truth will set us free … And Joe and this incredible woman will continue to inspire us for years to come!

Finally!

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

Two more books to come in November. Karavan Press will be ten titles strong by the end of the year. The Karavan Press snow leopards from Julia are continuing with the stories …

It was a day of work: reading, editing, pool and bathroom cleaning. Highlight of the day: dinner with my love. Now, I am ready for bed and hope to wake up to the news of a gentle blue wave coming in and calming the land across the waters. And the rest of the world. We all (apart from those who still wanted another four years of Tangerine Kak) deserve some peace and decency.

I have been indulging in some literary time travel in the last few days. South African literary history is so full of treasure! No wonder I fell in love with the stories, then the land, and then its people. How incredibly lucky am I to be part of this story now, to call it home, to celebrate its past, present and future …

Good night.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

My dear friend Erika once told me that you should not judge people by the way they make you feel when you are with them, but by the way they make you feel once they are no longer in your company. When I joined the Zoom board meeting I was supposed to last night, I was exhausted and just wanted to get to bed. But an hour later, the people participating in the virtual encounter, with all their care and enthusiasm for the project we are all involved in, made me feel energised and inspired. And this although Salieri decided – right in the beginning of the meeting – to use the litter tray in the guest bathroom next door (highly unusual for her, she usually goes only when it is raining – otherwise she does her business outside in the garden). Five minutes into the meeting, the smells that were coming from the bathroom were so strong, I really struggled to focus. But I did not know how to explain to the others what had happened … Needless to say, the house had to be aired before I went to bed.

Shit.

US election night.

Pistachio ice-cream and red wine in the night. Hearty breakfast in the morning. Even if Biden wins, which is gradually beginning to look like a tiny possibility, the fact that it is still not a done deal means that millions of people voted for a psychopath to rule over them for another four years – it is impossible not to despair.

Psychopaths are not always easy to recognise, but once you have had one ruin your life, you will be able to smell them from afar, even if Covid deprives you of your sense of smell. Their stink of destruction is unmistakable. And yet, they manage to do what they do because of their excellent powers of manipulation and gaslighting, and both are on display at the White House in ways that are deeply, deeply distressing. And it is hard not to take it personally. Not when so much is at stake.

Salieri was not much help with my work today (I suppose someone had to catch up on the lost sleep last night …), but I managed to get through a mountain of it before it was time to light a fire and braai a simple dinner for my love. A soothing fire and a glass of red wine: balm for the soul on a day like today.

And now: I am going to watch some TV, checking up on the results every now and then. I haven’t given up hope for a Biden/Harris win, but I have given up on the millions of Americans who have fallen for the psychopath’s lies and manipulations. It’s bad enough when it happen to you on a small scale, but it is disastrous on a scale like this.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD