OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

To save the Rosebank Glasspecker from his own madness I had to cover one of my windows with newspapers and now I basically have a darkroom in the house. But the relentless pecking and kamikaze encounters with the pane had ceased with immediate effect. He had been at it for three weeks …

I am continuing with my work, my Big Rest very much still the light at the end of the professional tunnel. Or maybe it is the opposite of light. Maybe I need someone to block out the window I have been pecking at like a madwoman for much too long.

A writer came to visit and brought books and chocolate. We drank pink wine and exchanged literary dreams on my stoep.

I slept properly last night, but struggled to wake/get up in the morning. Lots of coffee had been had. And my love brought pain au chocolat when he visited in the morning before work.

This evening, I was alone and decided to have a braai for myself and then watched TV and completed my ironing.

Rafa is in the QF of my favourite clay tournament apart from RG. And a certain other tennis player had been eliminated to my great delight.

My medical aid scheme wrote to me today to inform me that one will soon be able to register for a Covid-19 vaccination. Apparently, there will be two registration processes, one national and one additional – tailored by the medical scheme – but about the first one they say the following:

“Registration on the EVDS is required by all South African citizens and will provide you with a vaccination code that you will present on the day of your scheduled vaccination.”

What about permanent residents?

Young, no apparent comorbidities, not a citizen – I am probably the last in line for a vaccine. All I can hope for is that I will remain healthy protecting myself as I have done so far until – one day – it is – finally – my turn. I am okay with that. Can’t say that any of the safety regulations have been fun, but I have managed to keep safe so far; I will simply continue with following the non-pharmaceutical protection measures.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

Not exactly the best of nights, and the day wasn’t easy either. But luckily, I could mostly stay in bed and work quietly (when not interrupted by catssitants) and actually managed to do a full day’s work. I walked to get fresh milk from a shop nearby in the morning and spend an hour on a blanket in the garden with The Cats in the late afternoon. During lunch, I met Mom and Krystian on Skype to chat about our dream of actually seeing one another in reality. Otherwise, it was proofreading, admin, preparing a manuscript for typesetting and exploring cover ideas for the next Karavan Press book.

I started reading Patrik Svensson’s The Gospel of the Eels. Fascinating is not the word. I have been reading a lot about the natural world lately and thinking about a philosophical concept I have been intrigued by for years. There is an idea brewing in my tired pandemic brain, but I don’t know whether it has any merit. Yet. I need to write it all down and run it past an expert to see if this line of inquiry is worth pursuing. I have always imagined that if I studied again, it would be philosophy … Who knows, maybe I already have a worthy topic for my thesis?

‘Dream big!’ they say.

Tonight, I just want some decent sleep.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

Isn’t she a beauty? The first of the flowers are open and I am awed.

I also had a closer look at my mad Olive Thrush, whom I have renamed my ‘Rosebank Glasspecker’. He is still at it, relentlessly fighting off his reflection rival in one of my windows. I cleared most of the branches in front of the window, put up post-it notes all over the glass to break the reflection, but he does not give up. I am not certain he can still see the ‘other’ bird, but he is really worked up by the idea of the rival – imaginary or not. And there he still was this afternoon, huffing and puffing, throwing himself against the glass and pecking away at it as if his life depended on it. If I did not know better, I would say he was trying to get inside …

A busy working day, but without tensions. In the morning, I briefly visited the Book Lounge and that made me feel better about the world. Bookshops do that.

I had every intention to swim today, but the day ran away with me. I did prepare a simple braai for my love after work – and the fire and the company also made me feel better about the world.

I lit a candle. There was nice wine. Right now, I will take any little joy that comes my way.

I did not know Phumlani Pikoli, but many of the people I know were his friends and they are in pain. It is a time of unbearable loss, impossible to comprehend.

Yesterday: no water. Tonight: no power. (At the worst possible time!) Deep sigh.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

By tomorrow, I will know the colour of one of my rescue orchids which is going to bloom for the first time in my care.

In the early morning, I met a friend at Kirstenbosch for a walk, but we ended up sitting on the grass near a stream and catching up while her son was fishing for tadpoles. We haven’t seen each other for over a year because of diverse lockdown circumstances. And in a while, we won’t be able to see each other at all, or very seldom: she and her family have decided to emigrate. I know way too many SA families who have either already emigrated in the last year or are about to. I look at my Austrian passport and I hear the word ‘Sauerkraut’ on TV and can’t help asking myself, who am I to think that I know where I belong?

It was wonderful to see her. And deeply distressing to think about the reasons they are leaving. Because I agree with all of them.

The mountains of loss are accumulating. There is no way to process any of this.

Otherwise, a day of manuscript/book proofs pick ups/deliveries and discussions. And a day of having to communicate on a different front: ‘thus far, and no further’. Sometimes I feel that I am too kind, too understanding, too patient and I get punished for it by people taking advantage of my time and expertise. A young writer thinks that he has the right to dump all his frustrations on my doorstep, offend me, and then tell me what is wrong with my dreams. Another writer asks me for assistance on a project and then completely misrepresents everything I have tried to explain and gets me into serious trouble with other people I have professional relationships with. A creative person working on a project I am involved in ignores all communication begging him to deliver his part of the job for months and has no decency to explain or apologise for the impossible delays. But he does send an invoice.

The last twenty-four hours have made me think of something I once heard: “I am like a landmine. I lie there, patiently, sometimes for years … It’s fine, I can take it … But don’t step on me.”

Eventually, pink wine was had in the late afternoon just to take off the edge of the tension and to celebrate the lovely achievement of the day: the first proofs of the beautiful photo sections of a book we will be publishing soon. The book is stunning. One of the pure joy projects of the last year.

I cooked supper at my love’s place, because I have had no water (again) since mid-afternoon. Old municipal pipes, no new solutions. The cooking did not go entirely as planned either, but luckily there was enough salad and cheese to forget about the disastrous main dish. There was also wine.

The latest episode of Last Week Tonight has become available. I am off to watch it. I might have a sponge bath in the five litres of drinking water I got at my love’s place, or wait for a swim in the pool tomorrow morning to ‘clean up’ … Good night.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

• 

• 

My love served me coffee in bed this morning, friends cooked the most delicious Greek meal for lunch for us, our team won against a tricky opponent, there was pool cleaning (the/a Frog Prince is still hanging around – he seems somehow bigger, so I am not sure he is the same one), some gardening, ironing and skyping with my family, and there will be reading before bed. A real Sunday.

Tomorrow, the Rolex Monte-Carlo Masters begins and Rafa is playing. I might not always be available during the week …

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

There is so much loss that it is impossible not to lose oneself in it, but there is also friendship and love and a will to go on, together, against all odds, no matter what. Tonight, we told grief to hold on, we had some great wines and good food to taste, and we sat around a table with dear friends and knew that we are not alone, and that time heals, and that some day the pain will become bearable.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

I did not have much hope for this day, I just wanted to get through it somehow. Only the evening was something to be looked forward to.

In the morning, to keep myself on track, I compiled a to-do list and would have been happy if only half the items on it had been crossed out by the end of the working day, but I somehow, miraculously, got through it all and was finished by five-fifty p.m., just in time to change into fresh clothes and drive out to a friend’s house where she and her family prepared a delicious socially distanced dinner on their patio for us. It was wonderful: the company, the stories and the food. We had a really good time and a few great laughs.

Today was the day when I, or rather The Fifth Mrs Brink, became a bargain, selling for R70 at Bargain Books. The lovely news is that there are still readers out there eager to read the book. Thank you.

A prince and a famous rapper passed away today, but I hardly knew anything about them before this moment. I am just thinking about a woman who shared over seven decades of her life with a man, and now, she is alone, probably more than ever in her life.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

I woke up and listened to the radio until I could open my eyes properly, got up, made coffee, read. Mid-morning, I took one of my love’s cats to the vet for her monthly checkup – she was not impressed.

Afterwards, I briefly visited a friend who is in a lot of pain as she has to watch the person she loves most suffer through a horrific loss.

The rest of the day was work. In the evening, I met two fabulous women for drinks at Incognito and we spoke about books, writing and death for four hours.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

A friend came for coffee on my stoep this morning and brought sunflowers – a great symbol for how her company feels: bright, beautiful and happy-making.

My love also visited before going to the office and helped me with some of my work first. Two Skype meetings with authors, a visit to the post office, a few deliveries, some admin work and, in the late afternoon, I was simply exhausted.

I managed to exchange the mattresses on two of the beds in the house and now my own bed has the best available mattress. I have been meaning to do this for quite a while, so it feels like a great achievement to have this accomplished at last.

After work, my love and I went to the opening of TTK Fledglings, a new remarkable Luke Dale Roberts venture: “AN UPLIFTMENT PROGRAM | EMPOWERING PEOPLE TO LEARN TO COOK | SERVING DELICIOUS FOOD | CREATING OPPORTUNITIES | TEACHING HOSPITALITY SKILLS | DONE WITH LOVE”.

Everything was delicious, but the Japanese pancake, the beef carpaccio and the loaded fries were on another level of delectable. Finger-licking-divine.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD

OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

The stay at Oudrif was blissful, the return home filled with sadness.

Throughout my life, I have lost many homes, but until recently there had been one that our family could always return to no matter what else fate had in store for us. It was the place where my paternal grandparents used to live in Kowary, near Jelenia Góra (where I was born). When my grandparents passed away, my Aunt Iwona continued living in the beautiful flat on the top floor of an old tenement with a view of Śnieżka, the highest mountain of the region. She decided to sell the flat a few years ago, but my connection to the place still continues through a dear childhood friend who lives on the ground floor of the building. She wrote to me over Easter to say that her mom, a caring, wise woman who always had a generous smile ready for me when I arrived for a visit, passed away because of Covid-19. And the neighbour living above them, also a strong presence throughout my childhood, succumbed to the disease too. Just before Easter, Poland was reporting around 30 000 new cases and around 500-600 deaths every day.

It is impossible to take in. Shock after shock, tragedy after tragedy, and a strange kind of numbness. My friend sent me pictures of their beautifully decorated Easter table with all the traditional dishes set out for the meal and she wrote of the emptiness the family is feeling, that the reality of their situation refuses to sink in. Grief intensifies on these occasions, I know from my own experience. And I know exactly how acute the pain must be for them right now. I am overcome by sadness, but I also know that I am somehow blocking the full impact of what is happening to strangers and people I have known my entire life alike. It is a survival strategy, and it is another form of loss. We don’t allow ourselves to grasp fully what is happening. Not at all times. We carry on. We get up in the morning, our hearts heavy, and we take care of our families, do our work, meet with friends, laugh, survive. Anything else would probably be unbearable. At least that is how I seem to cope (when I manage to).

We hope, continue believing in miracles. Here is proof they happen:

My dear friend Helen could celebrate Easter with her sister and niece. She posted this photograph on Twitter and said: “Picture of a miracle. My sister and her daughter today, visiting me for Easter lunch. Sister’s 1st outing since getting Covid 4 months ago – month on a ventilator, 9 weeks in ICU, 3 weeks in nursing home. This is resurrection.”

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD