OYSTERHOOD is reclusiveness or solitude, or an overwhelming desire to stay at home.

— @HaggardHawks

My dear friend Helen gave me a jar of her pickled lemons when I saw her last time. They are beyond delicious. These are the kind of lemons that I want from life.

I put in a full day’s work today, and I feel like I have let myself down. I did what I’d promised a while ago that I would, so I did not let somebody else down, but this being on leave is not exactly working out for me how I’d imagined it would … The one thing I did do for myself today was to listen to another Meditative Story in the early morning. And, in the evening, I cooked a really nice dinner for my love and for myself.

But my cheeks are sore again, my OCD and anxiety are through the roof, and I am edgy, distracted in ways where I feel simply lost. Who is this person, tying up her hair in a braid, then in in a bun, all tightly out of the way, so that she feels at least a little bit in control?

The worst about all of this is that, even in good moments, the lack of emotional resources to deal with most things is constantly under the surface of the everyday, ready to erupt. And this at a time when one of the most incredible dreams of my professional life is about to come true. I am bursting with excitement to announce it, but it has to wait a while yet. All I should be doing, though, is wallowing in happiness and pink bubbly (especially now that it can actually be bought for the first time in a month!). But that’s not how depression works …

And my lovely Salieri is getting stronger and more independent again every day. In the last twenty-four hours, she has had the first night and day that she did not require any assistance with eating. And she did not even spend the night on the bed with me. She has been quite clingy since she became ill, but now she is doing more and more of her own thing. It is such a huge relief.

Sadly, the horrible news reached us today that a little dog whom we really liked was brutally killed by another one. The dog’s human family is devastated, and so am I. I did not know her well, but whenever I visited her home, I was always welcomed with the friendliest of smiling tails. I am going to miss her, and I can only imagine how her family feels about her tragic death.

The relentlessness of it all.

Here is a song we played this weekend that I love, especially the bits where Roy Orbison signs (the voice!): “The Traveling Wilburys – Handle With Care”.

Last Week Tonight is back …! Off I go to watch in bed. Good night.

Be kind. Wear a mask. Support local.

“Physical distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb this pandemic.”

— NICD